Change Your Story, or, I <3 NY

The world is a projection of our minds.  

As I write this, I'm on a Greyhound bus on the way back from a lovely weekend in NY (where I got to see the lovely co-writer of this blog!).  

I was invited last-minute by two friends to join them on this trip.  I gladly accepted, always jumping at the chance to visit The Big Apple. 

Saturday afternoon I met up with a NY friend to see a men's cabaret show, complete with a plethora of musical numbers.  In the middle of the first song, this musical theater freak (yours truly) made a decision.  I was no longer going to talk about it.  I was going to move to New York.  Within one year, to be exact.

The music swelled, I drank my wine, I chatted with my lovely friend, and I knew this was where I wanted to be.  

The next morning, I missed my super early bus back to DC, but secretly rejoiced because this meant I had more time to walk around the city.  I sat at a table in front of the hotel, taking in the energy of the city, thrilled to have the whole day ahead of me.

I walked around for a while till I reached the Port Authority to see if I could switch my ticket to a later bus.  I was rolling my duffle bag along the way.  A lady walked by me and said "If I trip over that, you're gonna get punched.  Right in the face."  All of a sudden, the usual routine was set in motion.  The hurt.  How can someone who doesn't know me at all say something like that??  The urge to prove what kind of a person I am. 

Very quickly, my story changed.  What if this isn't my city?  The evidence that shows why I shouldn't move here.  The people who have said, "this city takes a toll on you."

I hadn't heard from my two travel buddies, who were going to travel back to DC separately from me.  I texted them to let me know if they wanted to hang out before they left.  I thanked them again for inviting me on the trip.  I asked if they wouldn't mind throwing my sleeping bag in their trunk so I wouldn't have to lug it around till my bus departure. 

They never responded, so a few hours later I texted them and asked them to confirm that they were alive.  No response.  I called them each a couple of times, knowing that they are usually attached to their phones.  Nothing. 

Again, my story changed.  I started to wonder if they were annoyed that I spent a lot of time with friends other than them on this trip.  I didn't think so, but I couldn't understand the lack of a response.  

I have seen both friends hold a grudge like nobody's business against other people.  I have seen them feed off of each other as they confirm why said grudges should be held.  Maybe now, it was simply my turn.

I began to lament the situation.  Why does this kind of thing always happen to me?  The familiar thought pattern appeared again - "I can only feel okay and safe if no one is mad at me."  A deep rooted, ingrained pattern.

But - the Universe knows what it's doing.  It delivers the same message over and over until you finally get it.

As I sat on the bus, I thought to myself, GET CURIOUS.  If they really are mad, what's it REALLY about?  

It has nothing to do with me.

They've had their own difficult experiences in life that have resulted in them creating a story in their minds about how the world works.  I cannot fix that.  That is their journey.  They may not know it yet, but they can change their story.  

And I can change mine.  

Once I started to get CURIOUS it was clear that whether I am okay and safe DOES NOT depend on others feelings towards me!!!!!  

I get it.

It is possible that the two friends aren't mad and all of this was the result of a couple of lost phone chargers.  Or it could be that my speculations were true.  The delightful point, though, is that it doesn't matter either way. 

And New York is either a magical land or a sea of bitter people.  I get to decide.